iSpeech.org

People-pleasing is the motivational force that drives a person into making decisions based on others’ approval. Most times, it is acting obsequiously towards someone important in order to gain the advantage. People-pleasing is codependency and borders on idolatry (Idolizing people).

People-pleasers are used to the fact that it feels good to be liked by others, so they steer their words and actions in the direction that offers the most approval (the term “eye service” fits in here). On the surface, people-pleasers appear to be selfless, kind, and generous but beneath the surface, they suffer desperate insecurity and believe that approval equals value. They eventually find out that trying to please people all the time is not only exhausting, it is also impossible and means giving people the power to determine their happiness. Some people-pleasers may start manipulating relationships and situations in order to gain the rush of satisfaction associated with creating pleasant responses in others. So the term people-pleaser is actually a misnomer. People-pleasers strive to please everyone because they are trying to please themselves.

 By nature, some people are selfish and more prone to people-pleasing. Compliant, sensitive types are often keenly aware of the responses of other people, so they gauge words and choices to avoid negative feedback. Sometimes they view this trait as positive, comparing their people-pleasing nature with the selfless actions of the Lord Jesus Christ; “How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him” (Acts 10:38). However, the difference between Jesus’ unselfish service and the actions of a people-pleaser is motive. Jesus lived to glorify and obey His Father (John 8:29); He loved, gave to, and served people but He was also not afraid to say what needed to be said even when people got angry. He often rebuked people in public for their hypocrisy and lack of faith (e.g. Matthew 23:15). He seemed to care little about how well His audience would receive His words. He spoke exactly what needed to be said even when it led to His death (Mark 15:1–2; John 18:37). Jesus was the opposite of a people-pleaser.

We can take steps to stop the habit of pleasing people by first acknowledging it as sin. When our guiding force is popularity, we automatically switch who we serve and that is idolatry. When we allow anything to control us other than the Holy Spirit, our hearts have erected a shrine to a competing with God (Ephesians 5:18; Galatians 5:16, 25). Seeking praise from fallible human beings rather than seeking God’s approval is a slippery slide into error. John 12:43 tells us that, even in Jesus’ day, some people believed His message but refused to follow Him because “they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God”. People-pleasing can lead to eternal separation from God when we allow it to dictate our choices.

Once we recognize our people-pleasing inclination as sin and repent of them, we must find an alternate motivation. I Corinthians 10:31 tells us that our motive in everything should be to glorify God. When we develop an intimate relationship with Him through saving faith in Jesus, He becomes our focus. We switch allegiance from self-worshiping to God-worshiping. Our goal is no longer pleasing others but pleasing God. We find great freedom when we break the vice-like grip that people-pleasing have on our lives. Rather than trying to please a hundred voices, we need to listen only to one. At the end of every day, only one question is relevant to a Christian: “Lord, was I as pleasing to you today as I ought to?” When the answer is “yes”, we can bask in the pleasure of God. We find our validation in who He says we are.

Another important step in overcoming an addiction to people-pleasing is to guard our hearts against covetousness. Envy feeds people-pleasing when we covet the approval or popularity of someone else. This is most evident in teenagers idolizing celebrity stars and athletes.  People-pleasing based on envy is very prevalent today and most of us have traces of it.