conflict resolution in marriage

CONFLICT RESOLUTION IN MARRIAGE

Bible Text: James 1vs19-20, James 3vs2.

Conflict can be defined as a state of opposition or disagreement between persons or ideas or opinion or interest or going against as of rules and laws.

While Resolution means finding a solution to a problem. A firm or deliberate or determined, an act of being purposeful in act of finding or bringing a solution to a problem.

Therefore, conflict resolution especially in marriage is defined as a deliberate or purposeful act of finding a solution to opposition or disagreement between husband and wife (couples).

Conflicts are inevitable in marriage or any relationship because as an individual, we are dynamic, we are different people with different personalities and ideologies but God made us need each other, no one can effectively live in isolation, so also is the marriage institution.

How we handle these conflicts however goes a long way in determining the level of peace, love and unity, and even progress in our homes, therefore we must be deliberate in this act. And as a Godly home, we must set an example for the world, our standard is Christ, the word of God is there to guide us.

In our Bible text, James 1vs 19-20, we are admonished to be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to become angry for the anger of man does not achieve God's righteous purpose, which means we must guide against anger at all costs.

Anger ruins a lot in our relationship than we can imagine, the devil as our Arch enemy never wants the marriage institution to succeed, he is so cunning in his ways and he hides behind so-called little-little unguided acts to steal our joy. One thing we must never joke with as children of God is the presence of God, we must strive at all time that the atmosphere of our homes is conducive enough for the presence of the Trinity to dwell, which cannot be possible if there is no unity of heart and purpose between the couple.

More so, every Godly home has the presence of Angels on assignment guarding; doing one thing or the other for the home. Believers therefore must be guarded so as not to give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4vs26-27.

Never allow bitterness, hurtful feeling, or resentment to blindfold you from seeing the bigger picture of the devil trying to rend havoc in your home.

Getting the right knowledge on how to resolve issues in our homes is a skill we must all strive to get, even as we pray for God's grace. Hosea 4vs6, Proverb 4vs7, Proverb 15vs1, Proverb 19vs20.

We must never take with levity our marriage relationship. We must consider it hard work to make it worthwhile to glorify God on earth. May we not be condemned at the end because of our marriage in Jesus' name.

SKILLS OR HABIT TO CULTIVATE

Some of the skills or habits to cultivate includes:

1. Learn to choose your words wisely. (James 3:2)

Words we speak add to the course of our lives, most of the words we speak are registered more on the mind of those who hear it than the attitude or the body language we display.

2. Make your thoughts pure (Philippians 4:8)

From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. The content of your heart only determines what you spew out of your mouths. For you to speak wholesome words, the content of your heart must be wholesome.

You must never think negatively about your spouse else, that is what comes out of your mouth when you speak to him/her or about him/her.

3. You must guide against anger at all costs especially in the heat of the conflict. (James 1:19-20)

Deliberately, purposefully, meditate on words as regards anger, read books, find knowledge, make the act of forgiveness deliberate, make allowance for each other/ people offenses, love will cover a multitude of sin.

4. Guard against complaints, learn to give thanks.

A thankful heart does not complain and a complaint heart cannot give thanks. Praise will help you guard against unwholesome words. Find one thing at least in the life of your spouse that you can appreciate God for and stay there until another fruit sprouts out for you to appreciate. This kills bitterness and the likes.

5. Learn how to Answer. (Col. 4:6, Prov. 15:23, Eph. 4:29, Isa. 50:8)

An argument over a disagreement will not resolve the issue, learn to be calm when visiting a conflict. You do not always have to make case for your innocence. Ask yourself before uttering a word "does it edify, build-up, improve the person/ situation or not, if your answer is No never say it". Many times silence can be a weapon of peace especially when arguments begin to ensure. Proverbs 17:27-28.

Above all, conflicts or issues are inevitable in marriage. They can be considered valuable and essential for the growth and development of our union. But it becomes a great barrier when either or both parties are not willing to resolve the conflict that shows up, this makes the marriage union fails.

We must therefore depend on God through the help of the Holy Spirit to help us safeguard our homes from the attack of the devil and make our homes a garden for the Lord to inhabit. May our homes continue to flourish and please the Lord.